SH3
Run #470 – Saturday, February 14, 2004
Festering’s Anal Red Dress Run
Hare: Festering
Drip
Feel that Seattle
Love!! In the Heart of downtown, we
had the loafer-wearing, shopping bag-carrying, jewelry-hanging masses whipped up
into such ‘Wanna Be a Red Dress Wearing Hasher’ spirit that a photographer
from the Seattle Times promised to put our photos on Sunday Page One!!
Unfortunately, our 15 minutes was cut short by…well, 15 minutes.
It seems that A-Rod going to the Yanks was a better headline. When is that guy going to stop pissing me off?
So, the paper thing
didn’t pan out but we did get radio time.
WCOP did a live broadcast of Festering’s
pre-lay haring activity with not one but TWO stops for personal interviews.
The second was by none other than former Cali hasher, RiceARoni (“the
SanFrancisco Treat”) who admonished her fellow law officers for calling our
hare “Gorilla with Red Dress in the Mist”.
After Curt Cobain’s
sister joined up (actually BigBlackMail in drag), our hare ran chalk talk
in miniature to avoid a third “interview” and greeted the three virgins and
one NFP – all brought to our little circle by Just Mike1, who catapulted
himself to the top of the ‘gotta name his ass’ list.
With a virtual beer anointing and the promise of Rainier on trail, the
red dresses were off. Well, most
dresses were still ‘on’ with the exception of Fish’s flappy
ensemble, which TwatNot subtly complimented with the comment “Man, I
can see your junk”.
Just when you thought
that you had done every Seattle hill climb, some hasher finds another.
Festering found 5 before our first BN. Our Scottish lass, Boytano’s
HardON, was nearly in cardiac arrest keeping the hash cash ahead of the
thirsty. He did and pitchers flowed
at the Eagle when we arrived. Upstairs,
while Slippery Fingers and BreastsOnTrail showed the pack that
those kinky leather chair swings actually can fit two, SafeSex got
another beer…having drooled out the first.
The bar “Met the Hashers” and we looked for DomLeBeer Deux.
After a quick perv stop
at Toys in Babeland, Linda’s welcomed the hash into its big warm bussom with
gusto. With bimbo and wanker bodies
slimily packed into a tight camera-friendly pile, the locals flashed away.
Cosmo felt the closeness a tad too comfortable and announced to Festering
that “you have exactly 20 minutes to get your hand off my ass!” - then
complained that he was still due 17 minutes.
Before finishing our beers, we thanked the patrons with a song of how we
would defecate on each other if we had wings, then hit the pavement running
again.
I know that not
everyone has a sense for these kind of things but when you take the name into
consideration, the tip jar with pictures of nude guys, the lack of bimbo
clientele, etc; you would think that it would be hard to miss that ‘The
Men’s Room” is a gay bar. Apparently
that would be hard to miss unless you are….Crash, who waxed on about
how she could see herself hanging out here and was totally unbelieving when Anahymen
clued her in. The barkeep politely
choked the house music and Just Jane learned the volunteering lesson as Piss
Boy proceeded to fondle her and call her a Ho’ who ends up dying from oral
sex (easy
there…we all know that can’t happen).
Just when you thought
that we were flying as high as you could on Cloud 69, the hash antics exploded
at the Crescent. Rock and Roll
music cranking, Just Amanda explaining her love/hate relationship with
Jagermeister , the bartender buying the hash beer, Fish seductively
groove dancing with a horny black guy, BOT being
BOT – what DIDN’T happen at the Crescent?
Man, after seeing this, the Grammy’s sucked! Then, BAM!! Festering kicks it up another notch with a
strip tease show that even had the guys at the bar taking their eyes off Schlong
TV! Just Jane, joined in with some
suggestive moves and positions that had Where’s making stickpeople
drawings on a napkin to remember for later.
Despite, our hare’s plea of “I don’t wanna goooo”, the momentum
of the hash could not be stopped (or maybe the free beer ran out).
We were off.
With the entertainment
flowing non-stop Bitch-N-Hoe groaned a sigh of disbelief as we saw the ON
IN at the Timberline. The Seattle
love was still with us though, as the bar gave us use of their stage for our
circle (at least until the Stag Show Contest began).
BOT and AssMa roused the faithful for the circle and we
spit on our hare. Charges and tales
then flowed:
Honor for three time
hosting the Anal Red Dress for the SH3:
Festering Drip who was bestowed with:
1 cock ring; 1 cock ring instruction sheet and 1 sheet on the Art of Anal
Sex.
Virgins:
Just Amanda, Just Tracy, and Just Jane (well maybe Jane only in my foggy
mind)
NFP:
Just Mike2 (who rightly praised the abundance of beer stops)
Honor for making all
the above mentioned lowlifes cum:
Just Mike1 (Slippery
Fingers was so impressed that she just HAD to see his head (head? Who
said ‘head’)
then drank for the hat chivalry)
Autohashing:
Bag O’Porn (in her defense, she told me that she was a call girl
that evening)
Too sexy to wear a
red dress:
Where’s (who complained that his SHIRT should suffice); Boytano’s
HardOn (who would have been given immunity if he had only worn that red
wig); and BagO’Porn (who by this time was questioning exactly why she
joined us in this bar)
Too sexy to ever get
a new damn red dress:
AssMa and Safe Sex (to give him credit though - AssMa would
have a hard time replicating his Hard Rockin’ Lion King look)
Confusing this hash
with Festering’s Dead Rock Star Hash:
Curt Cobain, aka BigBlackMail
Wearing real fur
(what else would you call it) on the hash:
TwatNot and Festering Drip
Honor for getting a
new job and selling her house:
Spike (pity we never got to ruin that carpet)
Hash Shit
– for not bringing the hash shit – automatic carryover!!!:
Where’s
I’m not sure how it
came up because I was in the can but in honor of her antics on trail, Just Jane
was brought in the circle for a NAMING. Seldom
is a virgin given this level of esteem but seldom does a virgin spot a toity
next to a house on trail and proceed to use said toity with the pack cheering
her on. Yep, this one’s got hash
genes. For her efforts, Just Jane,
will now and from this day forward, throughout the world of hashing, be known as
Urine MyYard.
Piss Boy tried
to squeeze in a joke at the end of the circle but was soundly trumped by BOT’s
Janet Jackson boob fever on stage. Wide-eyed,
he pledged to have a joke for every run. (Tradition
has to start somewhere, right?)
With the announcement of the first ever SH3 snowshoe hash on March 7,
hats were off, pots were on the ground, we swang low and got to the business of
drinking.