Seattle Run #520

March 11, 2006

Hare: Safe Sex

Hounds: Swollen Gaping Festering Hole, Indecent Exposure, Port-a-John, English Channel, Twatnot, Bitch ‘n Hoe, Drag ‘n Blow, Fucking Crazy, magot (of Kent), Wheres, Spike, Dickless Armstrong, Special Ed, and Just Karen.

This run was in Federal Way near the Aquatic Center and a lovely clear cut that got rid of a bunch of annoying trees that were blocking the view of a busy road from the surrounding neighborhood. This was apparently a recycled trail from the previous Puget Sound hash but that’s just a technicality. No one actually runs Puget Sound so for all purposes this was new trail. 

The pack started off from the parking lot of the Fred Meyers and proceeded to the first check where the hounds started the first of many hunts for true trail and the much anticipated beer check. It was a brisk and nipply day but dry and a good day to hash.

After a fair mix of pavement and trail, we approached the aforementioned clear cut and proceeded into it so that we could better appreciate the scenic improvement. The stumps and turned earth stirred our souls and I think we all imagined how much better it would look with a strip mall and large parking lot on it. 

I believe it was just on the other side of the clear cut where we arrived at the beer check and were greeted by mini beer bottles, as far as I know a first for the local hash. I think the bottles were about 7 oz each which is good for some hashers as they don’t want that much beer at a beer check but begs the question, what’s the market for these tiny bottles? So you can host your own beer festival? Fuck. 

It was a short jaunt back to the start from there and consequently (that means “as a result” for you half-minds) the circle and the real fun. Now you’ll have to excuse me as I’m writing this a week and a half after the run because I suck and consequently (see above) I don’t remember all or even most of the charges. 

The most memorable for me was when we gave Drag ‘n Blow a down-down for repeatedly refusing to make charges in the circle even when she had juicy dirt on another hasher. This has been going on for a while and in an attempt to help her with her fear, we did what we typically do in the hash. We mocked her. 

After her down-down, I told her she could probably make up any bullshit charge against me and the pack would support her just because it’s me. She finally screwed (heh...screwed) up the courage to charge me and I fully expected to be drinking but then Indecent Exposure intervened and whispered something in her ear. Was he encouraging her? Giving her advice? Asking for a blowjob? Drag ‘n stepped into the circle and proceeded to accuse me of losing my balls on trail and then help up and old tennis ball and a golf ball that Indecent had just handed her. The pack immediately turned on her and she was shamed and disgraced mercilessly.

Pro-tip, never take hashing advice from Indecent Exposure. He will fuck you up every time. Now Drag ‘n Blow is emotionally scarred for life and will probably never find the courage to make a charge in circle again without expensive therapy. I love the hash. 

We proceeded to a typical Federal Way tavern where we drank shitty beer and ate shitty bar food and there was talk of some going out afterward to karaoke but they ended up pussying out which is fine with me since I think karaoke generally sucks ass. 

Disclaimer: What I couldn’t remember I just made up. Never believe the hare but never ever believe anything the Hon Sex says about the trail…

On on!

Twat