SH3 Run #470 – Saturday, February 14, 2004

       Festering’s Anal Red Dress Run

Hare:  Festering Drip 

Feel that Seattle Love!!  In the Heart of downtown, we had the loafer-wearing, shopping bag-carrying, jewelry-hanging masses whipped up into such ‘Wanna Be a Red Dress Wearing Hasher’ spirit that a photographer from the Seattle Times promised to put our photos on Sunday Page One!!  Unfortunately, our 15 minutes was cut short by…well, 15 minutes.  It seems that A-Rod going to the Yanks was a better headline.  When is that guy going to stop pissing me off? 

So, the paper thing didn’t pan out but we did get radio time.   WCOP did a live broadcast of  Festering’s pre-lay haring activity with not one but TWO stops for personal interviews.   The second was by none other than former Cali hasher, RiceARoni (“the SanFrancisco Treat”) who admonished her fellow law officers for calling our hare “Gorilla with Red Dress in the Mist”.

After Curt Cobain’s sister joined up (actually BigBlackMail in drag), our hare ran chalk talk in miniature to avoid a third “interview” and greeted the three virgins and one NFP – all brought to our little circle by Just Mike1, who catapulted himself to the top of the ‘gotta name his ass’ list.   With a virtual beer anointing and the promise of Rainier on trail, the red dresses were off.  Well, most dresses were still ‘on’ with the exception of Fish’s flappy ensemble, which TwatNot subtly complimented with the comment “Man, I can see your junk”.

Just when you thought that you had done every Seattle hill climb, some hasher finds another.  Festering found 5 before our first BN. Our Scottish lass, Boytano’s HardON, was nearly in cardiac arrest keeping the hash cash ahead of the thirsty.  He did and pitchers flowed at the Eagle when we arrived.   Upstairs, while Slippery Fingers and BreastsOnTrail showed the pack that those kinky leather chair swings actually can fit two, SafeSex got another beer…having drooled out the first.  The bar “Met the Hashers” and we looked for DomLeBeer Deux. 

After a quick perv stop at Toys in Babeland, Linda’s welcomed the hash into its big warm bussom with gusto.  With bimbo and wanker bodies slimily packed into a tight camera-friendly pile, the locals flashed away.  Cosmo felt the closeness a tad too comfortable and announced to Festering that “you have exactly 20 minutes to get your hand off my ass!” - then complained that he was still due 17 minutes.  Before finishing our beers, we thanked the patrons with a song of how we would defecate on each other if we had wings, then hit the pavement running again.

I know that not everyone has a sense for these kind of things but when you take the name into consideration, the tip jar with pictures of nude guys, the lack of bimbo clientele, etc; you would think that it would be hard to miss that ‘The Men’s Room” is a gay bar.  Apparently that would be hard to miss unless you are….Crash, who waxed on about how she could see herself hanging out here and was totally unbelieving when Anahymen clued her in.  The barkeep politely choked the house music and Just Jane learned the volunteering lesson as Piss Boy proceeded to fondle her and call her a Ho’ who ends up dying from oral sex (easy there…we all know that can’t happen).

Just when you thought that we were flying as high as you could on Cloud 69, the hash antics exploded at the Crescent.  Rock and Roll music cranking, Just Amanda explaining her love/hate relationship with Jagermeister , the bartender buying the hash beer, Fish seductively groove dancing with a horny black guy, BOT being  BOT – what DIDN’T happen at the Crescent?  Man, after seeing this, the Grammy’s sucked!  Then, BAM!! Festering kicks it up another notch with a strip tease show that even had the guys at the bar taking their eyes off Schlong TV!  Just Jane, joined in with some suggestive moves and positions that had Where’s making stickpeople drawings on a napkin to remember for later.  Despite, our hare’s plea of “I don’t wanna goooo”, the momentum of the hash could not be stopped (or maybe the free beer ran out).  We were off.

With the entertainment flowing non-stop Bitch-N-Hoe groaned a sigh of disbelief as we saw the ON IN at the Timberline.  The Seattle love was still with us though, as the bar gave us use of their stage for our circle (at least until the Stag Show Contest began).  BOT and AssMa roused the faithful for the circle and we spit on our hare.  Charges and tales then flowed:

Honor for three time hosting the Anal Red Dress for the SH3:  Festering Drip who was bestowed with:  1 cock ring; 1 cock ring instruction sheet and 1 sheet on the Art of Anal Sex. 

Virgins:  Just Amanda, Just Tracy, and Just Jane (well maybe Jane only in my foggy mind)

NFP:  Just Mike2 (who rightly praised the abundance of beer stops)

Honor for making all the above mentioned lowlifes cum:  Just Mike1  (Slippery Fingers was so impressed that she just HAD to see his head (head?  Who said ‘head’) then drank for the hat chivalry)

Autohashing:  Bag O’Porn (in her defense, she told me that she was a call girl that evening)

Too sexy to wear a red dress:  Where’s (who complained that his SHIRT should suffice); Boytano’s HardOn (who would have been given immunity if he had only worn that red wig); and BagO’Porn (who by this time was questioning exactly why she joined us in this bar)

Too sexy to ever get a new damn red dress:  AssMa and Safe Sex (to give him credit though - AssMa would have a hard time replicating his Hard Rockin’ Lion King look)

Confusing this hash with Festering’s Dead Rock Star Hash:  Curt Cobain, aka  BigBlackMail 

Wearing real fur (what else would you call it) on the hash:  TwatNot and Festering Drip

Honor for getting a new job and selling her house:  Spike (pity we never got to ruin that carpet)

Hash Shit – for not bringing the hash shit – automatic carryover!!!:  Where’s

I’m not sure how it came up because I was in the can but in honor of her antics on trail, Just Jane was brought in the circle for a NAMING.  Seldom is a virgin given this level of esteem but seldom does a virgin spot a toity next to a house on trail and proceed to use said toity with the pack cheering her on.  Yep, this one’s got hash genes.  For her efforts, Just Jane, will now and from this day forward, throughout the world of hashing, be known as Urine MyYard.

Piss Boy tried to squeeze in a joke at the end of the circle but was soundly trumped by BOT’s Janet Jackson boob fever on stage.  Wide-eyed, he pledged to have a joke for every run.  (Tradition has to start somewhere, right?)  With the announcement of the first ever SH3 snowshoe hash on March 7, hats were off, pots were on the ground, we swang low and got to the business of drinking.